Miss you

6:30 am: a warm, chubby and cozy hand hugs me tight..I sleepily turn around..Kunju has sneaked into our room and is getting her "5 more minutes"
7:15 am: Kunju is waiting for the school bus, blissfully humming "Bhavayami Raghuramam"
7:30 am: Chai with Santuma in the recliner catching the morning news (Chai tastes extra great because he made it )
7:45 am: Tour of the garden ...4-5 pink peonies are in bloom, 4 buds on the red rose, a few day lillies, and (still) no activity on the dahlias. The lawn was nicely mowed last evening..it has been a week without rain and I wish for some...
8:00 am: Miraculously, a brief, light shower, that was equivalent to 2 hours of watering using the sprinkler. The lawn looks rejuvenated instantaneously. The Sun creeps out again causing the leaf blades to glitter like diamonds...I go to the patio to sit outside..the cushions are wet on my lungi. I don't mind...2 red birds are chasing each other...another chanaka pakshi is stealing our pine straw mulch for its nest...
Life is good, I miss you, wish you could be here to share this morning with me...
9:00 am: Check emails and have Cereal/Fruit with Santuma, he gives me his usual lecture of the chores he wants me to do by the time he is back (go to bank, get the car registration renewed, put the photos in the album etc)..I just smile..poor thing cannot help being jealous at my freedom...
9:15 am: I rummage the fridge and mix up a yogurt, rice flour and kasturi manjal face mask and head upstairs...A huge heap of laundry snarls at me saying FOLD ME.
I sigh, did I say I miss you, Mom?

Pranams Mama Thatha...your legacy continues forever

Chellappa Mama, Mama Thatha, Chellapa anna, Mamaji, Subbaraman Iyer...the salutations are many but the vivid memories that flood your mind are quite similar...royal hospitality in aptly named Snehanilayam; genuine tender, loving, care; juicy nadan mambazham; crisp kadugu mangai; an idyllic wonderland at Parli; picnics at the Bharatapuzha; priceless lessons in pottery; photography sessions; homemade honey; and interesting tales of India's freedom struggle...

Mama Thatha (1914-2007) was the karanavar of the Aiylam clan and to be even remotely associated with this legendary swanthantra senani and philantrophist is a great compliment. Join me in sharing your memories and paying our respects to this outstanding human being...This is an attempt to celebrate his remarkable life than one to mourn his demise...for as far as I am concerned, his legacy of love, steadfastness, perseverance, simplicity, childlike charm, humor and service will live forever....

My earliest memory of Mama thatha is when I was 6 years old...my Dad had a tooth extraction (the quack of the dentist had yanked the wrong tooth out!) and Mama thatha paid us a visit..He was so enraged that his beloved Rangan was in so much pain and wanted to put the dentist in jail. He was furious and almost in tears to see my Dad suffer...You could gauge his love, his passion for his family by seeing how it affected him...he knew quite well that he could not share the pain but pampered my Dad with affection and stayed up with him the whole night to help him recover--isn't that what empathy is all about?

My Dad and Mama thatha-they admired each other..Dad called him Mamaji and Mama Thatha called him Marumanji...Mamaji was always hurt by Marumanji's smoking habit and would chide him for that and my Dad would always try to win him over with flattery and charming marketing skills (courtesy of 35 years' service with Hindustan Levers). They shared a rare gift of humor that knew no bounds of age....

Every summer vacation, we made it a point to visit Mama Thatha and Mami in Parli...Parli is a piece of heaven on earth...At Snehanilayam their wonderful home everyone was always welcome..City bred kids as we were, my brother Madhu and I had a whale of a time bathing in Bharatapuzha, and lazying the entire afternoon in the swings Mama made for us in the jack fruit trees. Nothing was a simple affair when Mama Thatha was around..he had a passion about everything..he would collect the best juicy nadan mambazham, and invite us to a contest...he had perfected the technique of getting the best out of every single fruit..I remember his words very vividly.."You should inspect the fruit very well and make sure that it has no insect bites..then, gently press all around the mango, so the juice loosens up little by little....then make a tiny hole with a safely pin and slowly suck up all the juice..be sure not to spill anything on your shirt or waste the pulp...keep doing this till the fruit almost dries out..then carefully pile the mango seeds in the newspaper (no littering allowed) and feed them to the cows..."...Mama Thatha was a born teacher.....he could impress his audience, teach them lessons that lasted a lifetime without raising a voice or making a fuss....he always spoke slowly but surely, softly yet assertively and always commanded everyone's attention and respect.

He let us get our hands dirty with potter's clay and strove to keep alive the skills of the great pottery artisans...He had a great collection of pottery from all over India in his prize museum in the upper level of Snehanilayam and his eyes always gleamed with pride when he took us there.

Whenever Mama Thatha visited us, he had an addage that always accompanied him-his camera. He was very passionate about photography and some of our best pictures are those that Mama Thatha shot..I vividly remember one of Madhu when he was holding a pot of grapes with his signature biting of the tongue...

Last year (July 2006), when we made a trip to India, we visited him...It crushed me to see him all under covers in his bed...a seemingly fragile stature wrapped under layers of blankets...I thought to myself, "God, I knew he was not keeping good health..but I did not expect him to be so weak"...Boy was I wrong!! He gently sat upright and excused his poor eyesight...We introduced ourselves... he immediately recongnized my Mom and said, "Gita, how is your factory in Kunnapally? Are you visiting the Anakatti ashramam? How is your study of Gita going on?"...He was a man who survived a massive stroke, was on a ventillator for more than a month, and the first words that comes out of his mouth are enquires about our welfare...

My Mom was tongue tied with emotion and later thanked him for gifting her the Bhagavat Gita 30 years ago..ever since Dad passed on, she has found solace and meaning to her life with rigourous study of Vedanta and the Gita, a gift she owes to Mama Thatha...

He kept referring to me as Meera. I told him, I am Meena not Meera...I knew he was trying hard to remember...the last time I saw him was 4 years ago when he suffered the massive stroke he was in a coma and I thought I would never see him again..It was a great blessing to see him alive and I had no expectations that he would recognize me..He continued to call me Meera and enquired about my imminent wedding..I am sure he had me confused with Jayaraman uncle's daughter and I did not want to correct him as I knew that was very painful for him..I played along...and suddenly he got it! "Meena, sing me that song....I have it in tape...Meenakshi, bring me the cassette that has her song!" he commanded to Mami...I was dumb founded...More than 25 years ago, I had sung a song swapnangal okkeyum pangu vekkam and Mama Thatha had recorded it...he embarrased me everytime I visited him by making us hear the recording (those of you who know me know how lousy a singer I am!)...Now, at age 90 he remembered my song and I was dumb struck..His vision may have weakened but his hearing was great and I sang the song for him and he joined me..Suddenly all the memories flodded back to him ...he knew I was Meena not Meera and enquired about Santu and USA.

When I mentioned Cincinnatti and Rajamani mama his eyes gleamed with excitement and passion. He wanted to hear all about his beloved brother Rajamani and enquired about Gigi aunty and their daughters...My Chithapa (TRK) was taking pictures of him as we were chatting and he cautioned him, "please tell me when you are taking my picture, so I can keep my eyes open..I also want a copy in a passport size so I can renew my railway pass"...."Mama!" we argued..."You are not travelling by train in this health condition" we cautioned and he laughed at us.."Venketesh will renew my train pass..I have told him...". He was so facinated by the handycam and wanted to know if it will record audio and video...a true Gandhian as he was in many aspects of his life...when it came to photography equipment he was willing to bend the swadesi rule!

He was his good old self..cracking jokes, enquiring about all our relatives and telling us that his long term memory was very intact..he just had trouble with short term memory...trust me...his memory far surpassed all the 30 year olds that I know of! He enquired about Madhu and Chindu..I told him that Chindu would quote his fatulance axioms although he did not understand one bit of him...He laughed heartily....It is so vivid in my mind...a good soulful, hearty laugh and he recited him fatulance verse:

Bhim Bhim parimanam nasti
Gas bis maha ghoram
Nishabdam pranasangadam

We were laughing and crying and hugging and shaking our heads in disbelief....here we come to pay our respects to a great man in the dusk of his life knowing quite well that it may be the last time we see him alive and he takes center stage and entertains all of us!

He chided us for the short visit and wanted us to stay with him so that we could be a help to Mami.."Meenakshi can use your help..you are just paying a visit and running away...I want you to stay and help Meenakshi like Ramani and Sudha did"...We felt so guilty, yet selfish in our own way had to convice him that we had to leave that evening...he did not press us further, but we could tell that he was hurt that we had to leave that night...he blessed us with his signature asirvatham dakshani and I treasure with all my heart. He kept on praising Mami for all her hard work and posed for many pictures with his hands proudly around her shoulder..Mami, you are the epitome of seva and love for a spouse...you have proved to be a great example for marital partnership, for your unquestioning and undemanding love and respect for Mama Thatha is sickeness and health, wealth and poverty, happiness and sorrow....as true as the Gandhi-Kasturiba partnership...we salute you for that!

He walked all the way to the front door to bid us goodbye and insisted that he accompany us to the gate..we protested strongly and left with a heart heavy with emotion-mixed with happiness, sorrow, loss, pain, gain all in one-a real avial of emotions!



On January 30 (coincidently Gandhi Samadhi Anniversary) I received a call from Mom saying that our beloved Mama Thatha had passed on....A true Gandhian as he was, his illustrious life will always be a guiding light to all that have associated with him...Pranams Mama Thatha....we will love you forever!



I want to take this opportunity to acknowledge and thank the relentless and selfless service of Velayudhan, his beloved caretaker who loved Mama Thatha dearly and took care of all his needs post his massive stroke 3 years ago...Mama Thatha was a stauch believer in equality and love for all and upliftment of Harijans. I would like to conclude with the very famous bhajan Vaishnava Janato that is essentially the theme of Mama Thatha's life..

वैष्णव जन तो तेने कहिये जे पीड पराई जाणे रे,पर दु:खे उपकार करे तोये मन अभिमान न आणे रे,सकल लोकमां सहुने वंदे निंदा न करे केनी रे,वाच काछ मन निश्चल राखे धन धन जननी तेनी रे,समदृष्टि ने तृष्णा त्यागी, परस्त्री जेने मात रे,जिह्वा थकी असत्य न बोले, परधन नव झाले हाथ रे,मोह माया व्यापे नहि जेने, दृढ़ वैराग्य जेना मनमां रे,रामनाम सुताली लागी, सकल तीरथ तेना तनमां रे,वणलॊभी ने कपटरहित जे, काम क्रोध निवार्या रे,भणे नरसैयॊ तेनु दरसन करतां, कुण एकोतेर तार्या रे ॥

Please also read Ramani Chithapa's write up on Mama Thatha's illustrious life.

Article in The Hindu about Mama Thatha

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